So today is Groundhog’s Day, right? Well, listen to this shit. I did some looking around a found Punxsutawney Phil’s ex old lady, Phillis. Turns out, Phil and his ex were a real hot item at one time, but when he beat Phillis out for the starting position on Groundhog’s Day job, things went sour. Anyway, here’s the dirt. Phillis told me all this just before she hired me to off Phil. At first I didn’t think she was serious because she was drinking, but it turns out she has one hell of a cold heart.

So get this, at the buttcrack of dawn this morning I’m set up 150 yards from the…hole Phil may or may not come out of with my rifle and and a 24X scope locked in on the position. My mission was to put a lead pill between Phil’s eyes, but that’s easier said than done when you’ve got a cross wind blowing from 10-15 mph. Anyway, I’m lying there snipered-out when the little bastard decides to pop up!

Of course, time is of the essence and I have a clear shot, but I couldn’t steady myself because of the thought of an early spring… I was just too excited! So that’s basically it, I missed my shot before the crowds moved in. With all the disturbance and film crews and what not, Phil never so much as peeked of his burrow again. Anyway, I am looking forward to the warm weather. No real loss anyway. When I returned home I found a dead squirrel in front of my house, so I cut off the tail and took of picture of it. Phillis bought the pic as Phil and I’m on my way to Mexico! Hasta lavista, baby!