When Charlie Sheen married Brooke Mueller, he said, “I was telling a couple of friends last night that this feels like my first real marriage. The first one was a show, the second one was a con, and this one is the real deal.”

It doesn’t seem that Brooke is feeling the same way now. Just two years after they tied the knot in a beautiful ceremony, Brooke wants out. Who could blame her?

He literally took a stab at her on Christmas day after they spent all night drugging and boozing it up. Nothing says I love you like trying to slit your throat on Jesus’ birthday.

A source close to the couple said:

“Brooke wants out. She’s said it before and she’s saying it again right now. She’s worried though, because Charlie has a lot of dirt on her. Using drugs while raising children is obviously a horrible situation. The marriage is a nightmare, but each one is worried about ways the other one can hurt them. For Charlie, he’s terrified Brooke can help Colorado prosecutors send him to jail. For Brooke, she knows Charlie knows all the dirt about her drug and alcohol use.”

Charlie may be headed to the clink over his violent behavior, too. I know that because they’re calling on Denise Richards (read: the anti-Charlie) to stake the stand in this case. He is so screwed, you just know that Denise doesn’t have anything nice to say about him.

The best thing he could try to do is throw some Two And A Half Men money at the whole situation and hope that it goes away. Otherwise, he should prepare to be Bubba’s girlfriend in the clink.