This photo makes me long for the old days when only rock stars with talent got to be on the cover of Rolling Stone. Now every wannabe model and reality show hobag gets a turn. I’d rather have a root canal than watch even one episode of “Jersey Shore,” but my efforts to keep my life Snooki-free keep getting foiled by media like this. As ugly as this photo is, the text is worse.

Here’s Snooki’s thoughtful reaction to her public image: “If I do something stupid, which is pretty much the whole time, I hate it. I just hate it. Obviously, they’re only going to put the good stuff in, and the good stuff is us drunk, so all I’m seeing is me drunk and falling down. That’s how I am when I party, but some of the stuff I do is, like, ‘Really, Nicole?’ I look like a freakin’ alcoholic. I’m like, ‘You’re sweating, your makeup is running, you look gross.’ I just look like s**t.” And that’s before she starts drinking.