Heidi Montag Wants a Time Machine and Her Old Body Back

If time traveling was possible, Heidi Montag would warp herself back into the way her body was before she had 10 plastic surgical procedures in one day.  Heidi says “It’s not who I am.  It’s something I did.

Vivid’s Not Paying Spencer $5M for Heidi Sex Tape Without Proof

Do you believe Spencer Pratt really has a sex tape of his sometime wife, plastic surgery tragedy Heidi Montag? The president of Vivid Entertainment, the company to which Spencer’s hawking the alleged tape, isn’t buying it—at least not without a free sample. Porn exec Stephen Hirsch has balked at going all the way to Costa Rica to meet with the former reality star unless he sees at least 30 seconds of the tape. That certainly sounds reasonable, since Spencer’s demanding $5 million for his tape collection and it’s a long way from L.A. to Costa Rica. The tape just might be interesting if what Karissa Shannon claims is true. The Playboy pinup told RadarOnline that there is footage of her with Heidi—and Spencer stole it! “Me and Heidi were hanging out at her house in Malibu and he came over to pick up some stuff and he ‘accidentally’ took my camera,” Karissa revealed. “I talk to Heidi every single day and I tried to be there for her when she was going through her divorce, but now it’s starting to affect my life. Spencer had no right to steal my camera. There are other things on there that I don’t want to come out, including the video of me and Heidi.” Sorry Karissa, but this goes way beyond “being there” for a friend. We’re sure to hear more about this story in the next few days, because what else does Spencer have to keep his name in the press?

Heidi Wants to Downsize

Heidi Montag is grief-stricken after losing the most important man in her life—no, not her douchebag of a husband, her plastic surgeon. Dr. Frank Ryan, who performed an appalling ten operations on Heidi in one day, died in an auto accident in Malibu last week. This is especially inopportune timing for Heidi, since she is planning to have more work done. Less than a year after having breast implants that boosted her boobs up to a G-cup, Heidi wants to go down—to a D. The recently-separated actress told Life & Style, I’m desperate to go back to normal. I’m downgrading and going a little smaller, to a D or a double D.” Why the change? “I’m obsessed with fitness but it’s impossible to work out with these boobs. It’s heartbreaking. I can’t live an everyday life.” Of course, she’s also obsessed with publicity, and this is one way to get her name in the press again.

Heidi Twits the Bieber

Now that reality star and plastic surgery victim Heidi Montag has separated from controlling hubby Spencer Pratt, she’s looking around for a new playmate. “The Hills” hottie sent this Twitter to teen idol Justin Bieber: “@justinbieber now that I am getting divorced I think you and I should do a photo shoot together! Cutie ! I’m closer to your age.” Is that a slam at the Bieb’s bud Kim Kardashian? While losing that loser Pratt is definitely a step in the right direction, maybe Heidi should be looking for a man a wee bit more mature.

Heidi Has No Friends

Heidi Montag’s behavior has gotten more bizarre since her marathon plastic surgery last year. Sources report the “Hills” hottie has been holed up in her home with husband Spencer Pratt, ignoring her family and friends. Those reports seem to be backed up by a recent rash of Tweets paint an alarming picture of Heidi’s current mental state. “My last surgery was the BEST decision of my life! Anything else anyone says(family members who are trying to make money off of me) is a lie! I have never felt sexier, happier, or more amazing in my own skin. I truly look the way I have always dreamed, I love America and freedom! You will get to know the true me and my REAL life VERY soon, under all my plastic haha! Not the Superficial “me” you read about and watch!!! PS I HAVE NO FRIENDS, the ones who are pretending to be “friends” or “family”, are crazy, angry, broke, and bitter this is why they haven’t been in my life for years! LIARS! Let me be more clear, I rather have my only friend @jenniferbunney, then fake friends who sell stories to the media about me!” Crazy! Let’s hope Heidi’s family and real friends can get through to her somehow.

Heidi Shows Off Her “Hills”

When “The Hills” has its sixth season premiere on April 27 on MTV, we’ll all get to see the results of Heidi Montag’s shocking plastic surgery. In these promo shots, Heidi flaunts her enhanced assets. Which do you like better—old Heidi or new Heidi?

“The Hills” Cancelled

Oh, no! Will Spencer Pratt have to get a real job now? MTV has cancelled its reality show “The Hills” after six seasons. The final season will begin April 27, and give viewers 12 episodes of drama focusing on Heidi Montag’s plastic surgery, Stephanie Pratt’s struggle with sobriety, Audrina Patridge’s romance with Ryan Cabrera and rumors about Kristin Cavallari’s drug use. Will Lauren Conrad return to say goodbye? We’ll have to watch to find out!

Heidi Fires Manager

We know that some actors get the big head pretty fast, but managers? It was just last week that reality star Heidi Montag hired Malibu psychic Aiden Chase to be her manager, replacing husband Spencer Pratt. Things were looking up for Heidi, as she landed a cameo in the comedy “Just Go With It,” starring Adam Sandler, Jennifer Aniston and Nicole Kidman. But a source reports the actress was “horrified” when Chase showed up on set, “demanding a significant portion of her ‘Hills’ money.” Obviously, Heidi was signed to do the MTV series long before she met Chase. Now Heidi has fired Chase, and a source dished to US magazine: “The guy thinks he’s famous now — it’s ridiculous. He’s referring to himself as the most famous psychic in the world.” At least Heidi still has Spencer!

Heidi Montag with More Boobs

Heidi Montag breaks out her new paid-for breasts in this funbag revealing red dress! But come on guys, what did we really expect after we found out she was getting her boobs motorboat-worthy for Spencer? Nothing new here Heidi other than the supersizing—and that includes her lips, too. Actually, her face looks like shit now. What did she do there? Heidi Montag is still an attention whore, and now it looks like we are going give her more attention than ever, especially with bikini season just around the corner!

Heidi Montag’s Boots are Back

Heidi Montag breaks out her big black boots again and I’m really digging her look. Sure, the boots scream dominatrix, but the combination of the pink top with the black skirt and boots make for a nice looking Heidi. These pics were taken after Heidi Montag finished filming a scene with “The Hills” costar Audrina Patridge. What did the scene entail, you ask? They talked gossip, of course!

Heidi Montag in Tall Boots

Heidi Montag‘s new boots scream hooker, but I don’t have a problem with this leggy look. Sure, Heidi is a talentless, brainless hack with a nice little body, but that’s her deal. I have come to accept that Heidi looks good and acts (maybe not) dumb. Besides, we all know that Heidi Montag could never really be a streetwalker with her high moral standards. But my moral standards are much lower, so I’d like to knock those boots. 

Heidi Montag Preps for Miss Universe

So Heidi Montag thinks she can dance? We shall see. These photos were taken at Heid’s dance rehearsal for the 2009 Miss Universe Beauty Pageant. Hopefully, her dancing career will go much better than her singing career. Even as a say that, I’m not sure that her success or failture even matters. Heidi Montag seems to land on her feet no matter what she does. I think that really is the power of God. Even though Heidi Montag has a dancer’s body, I just hope she can stay on her feet for this performance. Check out those moves!

Heidi Montag in Playboy

The Heidi Montag Playboy pictures have arrived (*yawn*). We have all been on the edge of our seats just waiting for this monumental day. Not. Devout Christian and attention whore Heidi Montag does appear on the cover and in the pages of Playboy, but the psudo-celebrity does not show a damn thing. In fact, we typically see more of Heidi when she parades around on the beach in her assortment of little bikinis. Heidi’s non-nude photos don’t surprise me at all because in the past she got paid to do nothing on “The Hills.” And once again, Hugh Hefner paid her $500,000 to do, well, nothing. And we didn’t even get to see the hills.

Heidi Montag at The Hills Finale

Heidi Montag made her appearance at the festivities for the season finale of The Hills. Even though Heidi is with that annoying douchebag and such, I think her and Audrina run neck and neck for the hottest chick on the show (they both fake anyway). If I’m gonna suffer through an episode, I’d like to at least see Heidi naked once. Anyway, here are some decent photos of Heidi Montag that are ruined by her lame “husband.”

Heidi Montag and Her Mexico Bikini Photos

Heidi Montag and her new husband Douche Bag…err Spencer Pratt (I know, that joke was completely original) went back to Mexico to document their fake wedding and have people watch them have a honeymoon.  It’s a shame some people are such attention whores.  Heidi did impress me however with her “candid” bikini photos.  I never knew Heidi had a body like that, and she wastes it on Spencer!  Almost makes me wish that I liked Heidi Montag so I could say something clever and lewd about her, but I know Spencer would sue my ass off!

Goodies!

Ashley Tisdale being stylish – HQ Celebrity Keri Russell nipples and bush – Egotastic! Kate Winslet nude in movie – Celeb Gossipz Hilary Duff is perky – Hollywood Tuna Sam Ronson checkin’ out Lindsay Lohan’s ass – Celebslam Lucy Liu cleavage – Celebrity Odor Miley Cyrus wants emancipation – Hollywire Mom says Heidi Montag drugged into marriage – Allie is Wired

Goodies!

Heidi and Spencer are back ringless to annoy us – Celebslam Abigail Clancy bikini babe photos – HQ Celebrity Jodie Marsh is a classy dame – Celebrity Odor Kirsten Dunst has a stalker…and it’s not me – Anything Hollywood Britney Spears turned 27 today on Good Morning America – Allie is Wired Rosie Jones and Kylee Carver together in Nuts – Celeb Gossipz Shalom Harlow nude in Purple Magazine – Egotastic! Vida Guerra is Wonder Woman…booiinngg! – Celebrity Odor

Goodies!

AnnaLynne McCord might be a lesbian – Celebslam Beyonce Knowles is a great dancer! – HQ Celebrity Nuts Magazine 50 Sexiest Moments of 2008 – Celeb Gossipz Heidi and Spencer’s wedding was basically faked – WWTDD Vanessa Hudgens and Paris Hilton have similar taste – Pick Me Up! News Nicole Richie’s getting married on daughter’s birthday – Allie is Wired Listen to Britney Spear’s full new album – Hollywire Pete Wentz explains idiotic kid’s name – Anything Hollywood

Goodies!

Heidi and Spencer are annoying camera hogs! – Celebslam Rachel Bilson’s spandex booty – Ninja Dude Shauna Sand looking sexily lifeless – HQ Celebrity Ashlee Simpson had a pooh shower – Hollywire Celebrity obsession reduces fear of death – Anything Hollywood Adriana Lima wears sexy bras – Celeb Gossipz Fifteen hottest playmates of all time – Spike Mary Castro made my day – Gorilla Mask

The Most Annoying Hollywood Couple Ever!

Oh good God could Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt be any more freaking annoying!?  If these two aren’t the most desperate celebrities out there looking for attention anyway they can get it, then I’ll just shoot myself!  Heidi, Spencer…get a fucking clue no one wants to see your desperate attempts at getting the photographers’ attention!